The Friend I never had

 Today is March 4, 2021 at 4pm

    This morning I woke a few times to smoke a cigarette and then go back to bed. I found myself finally waking up at 8am which was a relief rather than waking up at 2 am and doing stupid shit on the computer.  My neighbor comes over all distraught 😩 cause she was having problems getting her script for meds.  so I helped her out and had one of friends get her some vallum to help her relax. and I myself took some too. which then put me to sleep and helped me relax a little bit. lately I've been stressed out with how people treat me these days as if I am I am some kind of enemy of the state. let  me explain it further as if most everyone in my life is are dogs and I am the cat that would be the conflict I guess dog and cat fight. Lately my neighbor has been trying to getting me meds to help me relax and enjoy myself. but she is stressful but I do my best to help her the best way I can you know. 

    I then woke up and went straight to the computer where I go on the phone with Dan and we just sit in front of our televisions and or computer and play video games or just listen to music and or what ever we do I guess .. shoot the breeze so to speak. but I am learning Dan Mitchell is two faced and holds a grudge on me for some reason as if I did him dirty. Do I really do any one dirty ? I don't sit here in my basement apartment and hold grudges on people I hate. no I am not a person to hate. you know someone said to me you know people suck . plain and simple people do suck. and here I am trusting other people into my life. Dan Mitchell is a nice guy but he holds a grudge on me and is two faced about it. which I called him out on it. trust is earned not given. hands down 100 percent true. and the thing is I have a feeling he'll fuck me over as soon as he has the chance too. like I said I am full of doubt but these feelings are true and real. so how do I actually trust someone in my life when I have so many doubts about them. 

     what ever here i sit here all alone with no one to really to connect with to become friends with who i can truly trust. is it really just a paranoid feeling , it could possibly be. the people in my life are the people who are going to be your problems.

I download Nintendo emulator to play a video game but honestly I have the worst a.d.d. it causes me to never to finish anything or even follow through on any given process. its awful. I was like that in school too. it was pretty bad too.