Crushed Oranges

 The Time is 11pm; Thursday, January 28, 2021. I can't help but feel like I am barely holding onto life. I find myself on so many pills and today I headed to bed at 6 p.m. The time turned into 10 pm extremely slow,  I couldn't for the life of me stay in my bed any longer. I literally feel like I've been hit by a moving train at high speeds. I keep saying to myself that I must be on life support or some thing of that nature. The Secret word for tonight is " Life Support" I ask is my: first self, some where in a hospital bed attached to all these machines keeping my body from becoming a comatose dead guy. Then there is my: second self, some where in between 2 worlds living my so called life that I think is normal. Normal, what is a normal life I ask? My mind seems to be escaping to a more dangerous and darker places each time I fall sleep. I am asking my self right now, " DO I FEEL SAFE"?  NO!  I don't feel safe but the only thing keeping me from starting to panic and start loosing my shit all together is the medication I am on. more and more I am feeling like a zombie. as I know and I am not sure you knew but I have a home health care nurse who sees me once a day to set me up and give me my pills for the day... so we were talking and I said something in this nature " its my body I can't do what I want with it" he quickly shot me down and said no its the governments' body. So apparently this body of mine seems to be owned and property of someone who I don't know. I would bet so much money that higher ups are doing experiments on me, sick and twisted experiments … and the sad thing about it is I have little say at all about what goes on with my body. An empty shell with no soul I believe some man of some wealth seized and captured my soul. Sitting here with the just the mechanics of what makes me be a machine at this point. Am I in pain? very much so ! the pain has been subdued from what i think is the medication cloud I am on. Only to subdue so the dragon won't break out and terrorize the town with fire and death. Lastly I have never seen so many warning signs before that my: mind, body, and soul have been giving off and tis this date I am being brainwashed to ignore these signs. God bless the weak and the strong for they do not know the power they hold in their words!