Today I woke in anger just irritated and angry at the voices that keep consuming me and or following me. I find myself saying in my head "leave me be specter!" but it doesn't seem to help at all. I quickly moved myself into motion and walked 1.3 miles to my parents house where I had a cup of pudding and then borrowed my moms' car to go cash my spending check I get for smokes. cashed it all right with no complications and I quickly moved into Springfield Mass to get a cheap carton of double diamonds which to say the least are smokes I only smoke when I can't afford 12 dollar smokes. Payed off some of my debt with my neighbor and then scurried home. My mom drove me back to my apartment and got things organized and turned on Sirius xm and connected myself to my friend Daniel Mitchell on the phone. and played the sims4 game. on my laptop . took my adavan (benzo pill) some where in between all this to settle me down and relax me .. I am and was very tense and agitated it helped for the most part. after all was said and done I took a shower and when I got out I poured a glass of wine. which now I am drinking it and editing my blog at the current moment.
so today is same old same old day. still going strong with so many variables and unnecessary habits . but maybe some day I will be able to find my true self and be happy and not be stopped by this mental illness that plagues me! I ask, "is this really a mental illness" or is it just some stupid authority control action designed by the government to control me. the sad part about it is, I haven't have a faint clue of whats really going on!
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