The time is: February 4, 2021 at 7:15am . I would like just to talk to about how some of my friends or should they even earn the title of friendship is a riddle to me. Well to sum it up, on a daily basis i phone Daniel Mitchell and his brother who lives in a connecting apartment Adam Bailey. They are all about the way of the pussy. To this day i sit here alone in my apartment and the only person who i really phone on a daily basis besides my mom is these guys. The big question is; are they good for me? should i trust them? Or even believe them is a trust in self that can be broken very easily. But the conversation i was having with adam and his best friend bryan last night was a conversation mostly edging the way of a "proud boy" life style and or belief. my beliefs are so different then theirs. but i ask why do i call them every day on the phone when really they will not protect me , love me, and or even offer a trust that i can go home with. A feeling so creepy has me in puzzle pieces wondering if they are only trying to see my down fall. Where i really need to begin is: who am I ? and what are my beliefs.
Well for most of my life I lived a homosexual lifestyle and believe in a world where trust and love is not given but earned! I woke 5 times last night and was having difficulty seeing out of my eyes. i sat there constantly focusing my eyeball so i could see! These friends of mine work in the shadows and understand the struggle of what it is to get somewhere in the position where they stand and maybe i stand myself. but do i trust them! Almost 85% of my feelings say not to trust. and i sit here typing it out.. ya i see them as some sort of proud boy where him and his people would storm the capital only to promote and extend their ruling of their so called cult. I am in puzzle pieces trying to figure out if i did them dirty or they are the ones doing me dirty. I really can't stand anyone who sits there on there thrown and makes people feel like they owe them something and how dirty they did them. As i take a moment to look into the mirror and see myself : do i possess the ability to fuck a women and or her vagina? NO I DON'T ! DO I HAVE THE ABILITY TO HURT SOMEONE OR SOMETHING? NO I DON'T ! do i bare arms with a gun? no i don't! all these things i don't possess the ability to do and all these things are all the things these guys that i am talking to on the phone with every day stand for.
A certain revaluation is in order here! with me myself and I... and the people who seem to have me on there speed dial! and or I have them on my speed dial! I am going to take time in this blog to realize what i stand for and what the people who are on my speed dial stand for as well.
To have the ability to trust someone even though they are bad to you says alot about how desperate i have become.
Will there be order inside of my head today? or am i just barking up the wrong tree here! so many doubts and honestly that's exactly what this is about "my doubts" and having them be real and or forcing myself to ignore the truth! the very truth that stands so highly inside of my vision but i go to all extensions to ignore the facts and or allow someone to tell me what i should believe!
Today is a day I will find my voice, my friends, and my enemies ! GOD BLESS!
-KYLE
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