Just found out my aunt past away

     Well u know my mom tells me on the phone today aunt Paula killed her self, drugs and a bag over her head.  death is never easy for me to understand . is there an after life? where do u go ? does that mean she goes to hell cause she committed suicide ? she was such a pretty woman for her age and very delicate . i can't imagine her being sent to hell... u know  … and not only that how selfish is it to commit suicide ... she struggled a lot with Alzheimer's disease and its a shame she thought it was the end of the world because she had this disease but taking her life away is not the right choice it was gods decision not hers.. and thats how I feel about that... but u know my cousin his mom must be a wreck... i sent him a message saying that I love him and if he needs to reach out to me he knows where I live... u know.. but at the same time I just can't believe she felt like she needed to take her life only because she had this disease... well I am going to bed... all i can think about really is seeing some guy on tic tok talk about cia mind control and it really is freaking me out a little ! and then finding this shit out! its like what the fuck ! i mean i know who i am do i really need some guy talking about how he is a super wizard backed by the military and he can scramble your brains if he wants to ... scary to think about that shit and then finding out my aunt killed herself it just the icing on the cake … I called my dad and said dad can i have 10 dollars for smokes he said no and then said why did u have that mechanic take ur bike to have it get fixed ur going to pay now for it! what ever the fuck that means. and here i am just trying to make sense of all this shit and nonsense that is some how building up towards me ... o gosh may she rest in peace even though not sure where her soul will go because she committed suicided but then is there even a hell or heaven or is it just lights out? I DON'T KNOW THE ANSWERS TO THE UKNOWN AND YET I AM STRUGGLING AND TRYING WAY TO HARD TO EVEN BEGIN TO UNDERSTAND THE BIG PICTURE.... REST IN PEACE AUNT PAULA U ARE LOVED!

-KYLE