genetic lottery my ass!

 it's a big world out there.. to isolate someone and tell them they can't have equal or some of their rights because they have some of the same characteristics as someone else is bullshit. out of the billions of people in the world u are going to isolate me and tell me i can't possess the same characteristics as someone who might be thousands of miles away... i get it... but i am not going to believe in your opinions of who gets what based on a genetic lottery system. fuck that! life is beautiful don't make it ugly!

so little patients!

     went for a wlak and now this energy i was going to use to write it out is out so now i am just living this post as is and never looking back... 

Pain Level "horror thing"

 So today is Sunday July 31, 2022 , I woke and was in so much pain! pain that i think no normal person would be able to stand due to the pressure of the pain. I seriously woke up and it felt as if someone was beating me up in my sleep. Like a group of people or spirits who visit me almost all the time and they seriously beat me up in my sleep . Not one person would be ok with this pain. that i am waking up under. and then in the far distant i hear a mid age women or I would say maybe a young lady who voice echoes from a distance .. and she says "Good" as if it is she is the one beating me up... obviously this women or whom ever voice is echoing from a far is NOT HUMAN. I say this because no human could be in 2 places at once.. the pain level is almost a ten … I am almost convinced it she who is beating me up. so much anger in her voice echoing through the cascades of the sky ... so much anger towards me.. and I sit her in so much pain feeling as if i am help less .. but when i got surgery the doctor told me i had sleep apnea which would be another reason why i am waking in pain cause of loss of oxygen to my brain. and body ... am i losing oxygen levels in my sleep? causing me to hear this ladies voice echoing in anger towards me as she symbolically stabs me in multiple times in my sleep and i wake to only find myself in so much pain! let me emphasize that i am waking in so much pain. could it be the cigarettes and sleep apnea maybe ! but i can't help but feel like a group of people almost a mob of people are so angry with me they visit my soul and body and make sure to inflict pain upon me. I am almost sure of it. these people are so angry with me they make me suffer in my sleep. but a loss of oxygen would explain the voices i hear when i wake up in from my dead sleep .. the cat has been waking me up last night in particular he has been up and down jumping around and fucking with things in a way freaking out as if a spirit is in the room with me. what ever maybe its just a loss of oxygen causing this chemical reaction to take place in my brain. but here I am writing this because i am unable to express this with someone in a language other then typing it out on the computer. i will contact my primary care doctor about my sleep apnea. i truly think i am losing oxygen cause my brain is being exposed to the fabrics of outer space... i am smoker too so ya that is a factor too... but with all that said i stand here and i can't help but feel like there truly is a group of people who are so angry with me they haunt me in my sleep splicing my soul from my body multiple times. this picture of horror girl is what i assume is haunting me in my sleep.. if i could draw a picture of it... Salem's lot is for sure where i reside inside its quant little box ... lastly Eminem sings in of his songs and I quote "Mom, I love you, but this trailer's got to go, I cannot grow old in Salem's Lot"

dust to stone!

 at first it seems as though i have the green light to live my life .. but then  once I turn the tv on it as if there are people on the other side telling me i have no rights i am slave, a dog a joke a clown , well you know what i think FUCK WHAT THEY THINK! i truly feel as if someone on the other side of my world or my perspective reality sit there and watch me do things and live life. I seriously feel they should go fuck themselves here they sit behind there televisions watching me ... not sure what they see because i am barely living my life .. i would say i am living at 45% i see people who have lives and i can't help but feel what the hell am i doing wrong. boy life is nothing short of being easy but i swear there are people that are just out to get me and put me down. like a dog. and yet people come to my door wanting more from me.. as if i have anything left to give... i aint going to help you any more... i am saying to myself ... no the line is drawn soon. and this all stops now! the only thing i am missing a job .. and honestly i haven't had a real job since 2006 or 2007 some where around that time. the time now is Wednesday July  20 , 2022... so much time has passed and yet here the tv stands on its pedestal telling me what to do and when to do it.  ya these electrical currents mean something but what really does it mean.  what in gods grace could a fucking television possess rather than a mans life. ya they might be sitting there as a bird free to flock where ever they want... but i am human being with 10 fingers and 10 toes bound to this world as human being the strongest species on the planet . and yet they sit there on there 3rd grade thrown telling me i am less of a human than they are. could it really be a systematic thing where that take life from people who possess life the most... life is what they took from me and life is what i give them... but do i really have a choice for someone i don't see nor i can barely hear them. nevertheless i sit here on my computer as i have been since i have always reemembered watching others live there life.. and i have to give what little life i have to the people who sit behind there televiisions watching me... my life is a lie i was told i am paranoid but i am not i am nothing more than a human being subjected to inhuman people who are starving for something that i have and they want. always comign back for more as if i was a drug to them.. feeding them from head to toe making food from the matter that i possess who makes me a person. i sit here further welcoming the worth of a subjected human race that seems to be diminishing only the wealthy have a stance in this place ... and one who has no job and is disabled from head to toe .... and should i also mention that i am on the spectrum  making dust to stone. 

one sugar one cream, please!

so I finally went into the hospital for a medical issue: a septic elbow bursitis that was infected and I had a fever too.. I've been out of the hospital for about 4 weeks now and I would have to say I am still worried about the area feeling like its not healing properly. i have been on 3 weeks of antibiotics and my last dose was in the middle of week 3 . 

I am now on week 4 and there is still some fluid and swollen area to deal with. I am going to give it 6 weeks and then assess the situation and then if need to be I will go see a specialist ! 

i am scared of me and you!

 a sense of awkwardness approaches me in a form of invisibility . I roam the earth empty and soulless . i fear my life has become a lie. my mother and father aren't actually my parents but someone else. the friends i have and think are in my life only seem to have a motive towards utter jealousy. i can't help but feel like i Kyle Sullivan is an imposter but the funny thing about it is it is not me who is the imposter i have seen and been through so much more i am never waking up but always living inside my own jurisdiction that no one can seem to understand but myself. I beginning to hate the town I live in i am finding everyone has an alterative motive that works only against me not with me. like a dog that needs to be put down am i becoming that dog where u inject the medicine to stop the heart from beating and slowly but SURELY the dog falls asleep to never wake again. is that where we are with my reality .. has my reality been that of some kind of lie which only became someone else's convenience . a convenience to that which i will find to be an inconvenience ? with all these words that mean nothing to someone and something to someone else. which is it … is it important or is it not.  weak at the knees and limp in the pants i am finding my spirit is fading and fading fast . almost numb to the touch my senses are extinguished and stomped onto ... bang bang she says all she wants to do is bang bang take your money... and that is all she did... 

kyle sullivan

2005 Picture! You think you know me? but that's just a lie!

i am wearing color contacts on my eyes to alter the color … they were not prescribed but i loved changing my eyes!

    A picture of me in 2005 , 20 years of age. ya I was young, beautiful, and sexually active and had my whole life ahead of me with so much potential; gay guys wanted to date me . but honestly my feelings were retarded at that time. I never want to go back... what I was feeling and or going through mentally, I wouldn't wish it upon my own worst enemy. and you know if I could show my younger self something I would show him that he is not alone and what he is feeling and or going through is completely normal. did I make a few sins and or mistakes in my life such as stealing money from my parents to go out to the gay bar and other things too. yes but you know what; I payed for it in the long run. 20 years of age is no walk in the park! Being pulled at, in so many directions and I remember not wanting to end up like my parents.. and you know the harder I tried the worse it got. I remember wanting to be a vampire so I could live forever and never have to worry about death. I tried so hard to control what obviously couldn't control.. I really needed a faith or religion during that time but being gay and living the gay lifestyle the Catholics send you right to hell. me being baptized, so I couldn't escape the inevitable when it came to judgment. but on the books its 2022 and I stand corrected and loving life so much that I feel as though I don't have enough life! my time in the spot light I did enjoy myself; yes, but I wouldn't want to go through that again!

2022 o boy how things are so complicated! i will be 37on may22 . all i can say now at this moment in time is .... "it's very complicated"  the voices in my head said "NICE TRY"  what ever that means... lol... a waste of life or was it a waste of your time not my time....  ! u know my younger self for saw that i would end up a low life loser that was overweight and so far up the welfare systems ass of Massachusetts it aint even funny! A  BIG L for loser @!

baby its cold outside and u know what ! i never hurt any one in my life but myself, only my car and that's for another story.. so when you see me Infront OF YOU talking don't act like you know me ! because  I HATE TO SAY IT YOU DON'T KNOW ME ! well after reading these blogs maybe u do know me ... but what does it really matter nothing unless someone is writing a book on me.. the only person that is collecting data from you is either the government for classification purposes or the local institution for science reasons.  the 2 worst organizations that need to know your sin recording ! synthetic recording !