Frequencies

 

 this is what i posted on facebook this morning.... too much info? or is it just the right amount of info ... i mean do i really have any devices that can listen in onto these frequencies ... I DON'T THINK SO but hey its nice to know that my thoughts can be tuned in and tuned out! 

good news?

 

April 30, 2022 

on a lighter note my fish tank aquatic plant is doing so good! the one on the readers right... how cool is that! I thought it was interesting that once I added a second light to the tank the plants did so much better.. they are both LED lights but its amazing how healthy it is and how much it loves its eco system! i can feel the love coming from it saying o boy do I love it here! 

concentrated juice land

 i have come to the conclusion that the country i once knew is nothing but a filthy nazi. god speed i say cause honestly we are at the point where extermination has begun with in our borders. covid seems to be a highly anticipated way to kindly say good bye in a nice way. an extermination of the mind body and soul has undergone its monumental design. life is what you make of it but honestly everything the history books have taught me seemed to only be a lie. its all a lie my whole life has been a lie of some sort to only benefit someone of higher power and when i say higher power i mean "high" . i posted a picture of some brownies referring to some people as food. are we just cupcakes? possibly . my vision has been getting worse .... i am struggling to see now... the basic pupils in my eyes have gone and left. the mere light inside me is fading away and or leaving my body. as i sit inside my cell concentrated and o so struggling to see beyond the borders that once seemed to never end. now an ending is in sight! i see an ending ... and boy is it ugly! very ugly ! so on that note as a 37 year old male born in 1985 i can only hope to gather my own pride and walk down the streets with gratitude and positivity of say "life is good" . 

kyle sullivan 

Over my dead body?

 Its been a few months since I posted on "blog". The winter is coming to an end and spring is marching in forward towards its destination to the center of the earth. I am still on some medications which need to be supervised . meaning i can't do it alone by the help of the local state department i am becoming a solid person. which means i am highly supervised by outside agencies from the state dep. which fucking suck balls. some days i just need to close my door and shoo everybody out of my living space and even though I am able to come to terms with the disposition I am in I can't help but feel like an imposter, a lie, a clone, a fake, and nobody that gets spit on everyday of my life. the television just mimics my situation and makes its seem much worse so I try to stick to cartoons .  Nevertheless here I am making yet another post on this date in time and history and space. I further am finding that I really have been hard on myself for the most part . never giving myself the benefit of the doubt and always surrendering my feelings to someone else's.  even though it seems like my soul is neither mine nor anyone else's just in purgatory awaiting its destination. which I stand corrected and at the mercy of some ones else's situation I further my understanding of how I fit into this world. 

to be continued !... 

I keep changing and the more i change the less I feel! 

ok i am editing the post to insert some more of my "feelings" into this digital blog . so any ways i found my day to be some what exciting and yet a little confusing at the same time... the people in my life seem to be arranging a fate that I will not be able to understand . yet i have no control over the people who are in my life and what there is a simple situation over my head kind of thing. none sense, so I sit here typing out my feelings for only me myself and I to truly understand! 

the cigarettes are becoming a problem for me I am smoking with out evening realizing that I am smoking one …  the addictions is out of  control. its awful  I NEED TO SLOW MY ROLE .! I DON'T WANT TO QUITE BUT  I really need to cut down or at least not smoke as much! gain control over again! of my life! what ever i am just grazing off the land like livestock on  a plantation !   yuck how pathetic how i could allowed this to happen.. I am going to be one sorry ass hole when cancer comes knocking on my door! a song on the radio  says "save your tears for another day" i think they are directly telling me don't cry now but cry when its too late and i am too far gone to even do anything about it! the time is now to act and I sit here on my ass totally washed away from the current . I am not acting on any good things.  way too late to do something about it NOW  and here i sit here thinking that i actually have a chance! a chance at a life .. my legs were broken and ripped off from day one! and yet here i sit here  thinking that i still have chance.!!!! wow how unfortunate for someone who doesn't even know how fucked i am to truly sit here and listen to the trees talking about my destiny . and now i know it was you who had a problem with me since day one... not even a chance in hell to be found . i dug my own grave and you watched me kill myself slowly u didn't have to kill me i did it to myself... how convenient it was for the dirty work to be done by me the one your trying to kill!  how convenient is all i am going to say! how fucking convenient! 

i have been put through a key hole only to be put into a million pieces of Kyle divided and self destructed into a million little pieces … what ever i sit here and wonder what you would of done … with this curse laid upon you at your feet biting you on your side where the kidneys sit here and u so tragically most conveniently take what you think is yours... i dug my own grave only to be put down like a dog because that was convenient for you! 

some brownies i made cause that's what we all are- food not human beings! 😖😓😒😐😏

Internet is that you? it's Me, Kyle

So I haven't made a post in about 6 months or so. I figured I get some words out on this blog-site this morning. Things for the most part have been pretty steady. somedays though it seems like the waters are pretty damn ruff and I won't survive the next day. Then there is a day I miraculously survive the storm and end up at my computer staring right into space and time as usual, playing video games and socializing and trying to challenge my mind into an engineering dilemma with me/myself/ and I.  Lately my feelings are as such, (#asoultosqueeze) Someone or something wants my soul. It's ironic cause everyday I give away a portion of my soul into the cloud of the people. A part of me is and will be left behind. but i still am propelling my existence through time and space at this destination.  still swimming so it seems. in one spot. My hometown where i was born and raised. Reflecting as a 36 year old adult I am finding myself lost among the crowd, soul searching through the internet , but the real question is, who isn't?  some new people have walked into my life, such as Jackie a distant relative. She if "fun" and likes to stay that way. She carries the peter pan trait with her but nevertheless i am enjoying our developing friendship. nothing too crazy though. living a normal life highly medicated, pill popping 💊 ...  but if that is the way it needs to be for me to survive the storm , than so be it. that's how i see it.  my delusions have seem to be under control for the most part; it gets really difficult when i am living inside my head on a notion of a fantasy but reality settles in and i am finding myself thrusted through space and time jaded and unidentifiable.  I picked up a opioid addiction over the years. since covid has taken over our way of life things haven't gotten worse. well i would have to say throughout my entire life i always popped pills my favorite was an opioid . One thing lead to another and I am seeking help at an opioid clinic. Being prescribed suboxone for the addiction management,on top of the psychological medications i am on for depression , paranoia , and delusional thinking process. but at some point with all this said .. i come together in one piece . lightly and softly spoken i am growing into my body and every day feeling a little bit more comfortable with what i become.  i fear when i eventually wake up and see that i have no time left it will be too late to make changes and or alter tomorrow.

No one Cares.

Ya i am 36 year old cis gay male but i can't help but feel like part of me is female.. am I non-binary  or am i "cisgender" i can't figure it out. time will tell is what i always say.  i'll talk more about this at another time but right now i am going to end this post and maybe tomorrow i'll be in the mood for another post. 

my cat Jasper keeps me company and is helping me feel less lonely. 

truly ;)

kyle sullivan 

ball and Chain... the hard time

 Today is Tuesday April 13, 2021 at 4:35am

I can't help but feel like everyone just wants to defy gravity and those that defy it think they are so special. ya I am bound to this planet by science. I mean who is isn't. I turn the television on and think to myself what a load of shit... all this commotion over the fact someone can't act right. or a better way to say it: acting is lying 🤥 … lying is an art form it takes a lifetime of working behind the curtain to even begin to even learn to act. ya ya ya… the television is our only means of communication which i find to be a load of shit. I have no mirror reflecting me I have no body guard nor do I have any means to act or lie in a state of fakeness and despair. I am sorry but I am not going to take orders from someone who i can't see or even know what they look like . if they can't look me in the eyes and talk to me I for sure as hell aint taking any orders from them . if you have a problem with me don't hide behind your television and try to scare me ... come up to my face and approach my identity and then tell me your problem about me. the commercials are saturated to the point of mind over matter techniques that only super powerful people who have a strong mind can even begin to understand or even control. I feel bad for the humans, I feel bad for the weak minded person who is just trying to live a life of normalcy .I feel bad for the retard that is always on the side lines and can't do anything about it but just sit there and be retarded or disabled. I am not trying to make anyone weaker but the game of life is for EVERYONE not just the actors or in other words, the liars lying 🤥 

The awake and my After Thoughts

The time is 7:20 pm April 6 2021

Just got back from the awake from my aunt. its sad my heart is broken knowing my cousin has lost a mother today. His mother was his right hand women that he went to. She did not look good in death state. I felt like that wasn't even her body  . nevertheless I payed my respects but no tear came to me. it could be the antidepressants I am on or what ever.. all I could feel was my heart break knowing that her family and her son have to depart from her... so sad...  I just hope she is ok in her after-life ! many prayers for her and her afterlife.  well just having a glass of wine and now I am just listening to some music. I don't think I have it in me to go to the church services maybe I should ! my mother said I can't go cause of my nurse! but we'll see what the morning brings.? this process is so strung out ! well many prayers for her may she have a good afterlife. all i can is hope there is an afterlife.